Monday, December 31, 2007

what i did on my vacation

For the first time, we had a condo overlooking the ocean. Yeah, it's that blue stuff back there. Actually, it was quite panoramic - a great spot to watch surfers.

We played in the sand together. We built many many sandcastles, the definition of impermanence.

Dh and I went on two dates! Two nights of no children, whereupon we ate and drank and wandered the streets of we stumble upon a luau at a nearby hotel.

And the weather? Sunny and in the 80's on the beach, windy as a windtunnel on the streets above. Occasional little black rainclouds rolled through, like this one over Diamondhead. But even the rain was warm....just another excuse to hit the water.

Ah, the healing waters of Mama Ocean...there was a little release, a little let go. A little healing, a little heart opening. More work still to do in this area.

Sunday, December 30, 2007

heart chakra

I am exploring my heart chakra. Mich has posted some interesting questions...good timing, I might add, as I have been delving into my feelings pretty deeply lately, and a good deal of my suffering seems to be centered at my heart.

Do I love myself as I am? I always seem to be striving for more...I wonder if I would treat myself better if I truly loved myself. Certain choices could be better made. Do I act like my own best friend? Follow my own advice? I don't feel judgmental about myself, but I do set a high standard...I can always tell when it's too high though, and I'm not too hard on myself. I guess you could say I like me, but I'm not in love with me.

I can easily show appreciation for others, and I think I typically do. I make a point of this with my family, and my students. Strangers are even easier to be nice to, and it feels good to show appreciation to someone you don't know and may never see again.

I am of course holding on to strong feelings of grief. Grief hangs tight to adopted folk. In addition I grieve for the bond I once had with dh. Indeed it has changed, not disappeared...but will never be again. I grieve for our poor old dog Atticus, who we put to sleep on Friday.

I have deep feelings of resentment towards two men in my life. One I betrayed, and one betrayed me. I don't know what I can do to forgive these men and free myself from these wounds. Is it solitary work? Will time make it right? I get angry when I think of all the wasted energy as I puzzle it out...are relationships really worth it? Where is the joy?

The main part of myself that I deny is my Authentic Self. She is a very witchy and powerful being. She is whole unto herself, centered in her core. I sacrifice parts of this aspect so as not to seem too big, too powerful. And at what cost? I don't know how to get there other than to follow my heart.

Saturday, December 29, 2007

long time no sea

This may have been the longest time ever between posts. So much has been happening since we returned from Hawaii: Solstice (a small, strange party this year), Christmas with my family in Chico (everyone together for the first time in years), and then we all got sick. I'm still battling a cold, but it's cozy here in our little dome abode, and I've got lots of tea and comfort.

I've been knitting too....while on the beach I slammed out a few dishcloths for mil. I like how these colors match the sand. That's Japanese cotton from my Malaysian pal and a ball of hemp from my local hippie store. This made a terrific, abrasive cloth for lots of scrubbing.

I cranked out three of these while on vacation, and kept the largest one for me. I think it will make a nice big washcloth for the mini spas I have planned in the New Year.

Ah, nothing like an island pedicure. More to come, I promise!

Monday, December 10, 2007


We're going to Hawaii again. Yes, I know what you're thinking.....but we DESERVE it. And we know how much better it's bound to be than Maui. Dh and I are having a Renaissance, and it is....well, delicious. (Thank you so much, Deborah.)

Birthday celebrations are over, and the Winter decorations have taken the place of little P's artwork. (We save these to wrap presents in.)

When we return, it will be Solstice, and I'll be posting palm trees again. Wish I could take you all...see you on the 19th.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

let it begin

Let the eating begin. Ah yes, it already has. Starting with Thanksgiving and continuing into soft, warm cookie season now...

I'm afraid these break-apart pre-fab downright neon cookies are all my 16 year old can handle. But her little sister soulmate couldn't care less.

Are we having fun or what?

Sunday, December 02, 2007

moon scarf

Hold onto your hats, it's knitting content. I've been busy as an elf, and mil is the lucky winner this year, considering this will probably be my only homemade gift.

It's the green sparkly mohair from my secret Malaysian knitting pal. I'm knitting the simple scarf from Last Minute Knitted Gifts.

It reminds me of the face of the moon. She has so many variations. Can you see Her? It's called the Moon Scarf.

Like wearing a moonveil, extremely light and cool, yet nurturing. This Moon Scarf breathes and shimmers...reflecting a larger light...

What does the moon tell you?

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